Suffer

Why can’t I be just a torpid person?
I want the pain to be numb.
I don’t want to feel emotions anymore.
I’m tired of this.
I’m tired of myself.
I inflict pain to other people.
I mess with everyone.
I break and throw anything I can find around me.
I affect other people by my actions.
Gradually, I look like a bugbear to them.
Should I just hurt myself instead, than doing these unruly insanity scenes?

I am a nonsensical, dopey, and solipsistic being.